Oh Hello, I Didn't See You There

And if I'm being completely honest, I probably seriously didn't see you there. I could write a lame, cheesy introduction right now, and say who I am and what I am actually doing here, but I'm not going to because that would be lame and cheesy. 

I often find myself lost in thought. The typical math class daydreams develop, or even the awkward "accidentally staring at someone in an airplane because my eyes just blankly started looking that way" always happens. I randomly find myself thinking, "Hmmm, I should write about that." And I try to! I meet someone and think, "Wow, you would be a really interesting character in a book." or, "Wow, the way you sip your chai tea- I think that's hot." And with most people, they probably would respond like, "Hannah, you are so weird." or "Uh...Thanks?" When I actually tell you, "Woah, I like chai tea, too," I'm probably actually thinking, "Wow, the way you sip your chai tea- I think that's hot. The way your lips curl around the edges of the mug is so fantastic and the steam from the beverage is making your gray eyes look like an ocean on a stormy day and I could see us frolicking through a field or forest somewhere with The Lumineers playing in the background as we hold hands and skip off into our hopeful infinity somewhere where rainbows will shine down on our youthful heads and we can talk about God and philosophy and our views on why To Kill A Mockingbird is actually a really great book."

However, if you know anything about me, I will actually not tell you these things. I think about everything, I just rarely say anything. And it's not that I'm a quiet person (I have thoughts bouncing off the deepest caverns of my mind), it's just that I don't share the same affinity with you involving small talk and pointless, stupid jokes. 

This is probably why I sort of hate high school. I really genuinely like people, don't get me wrong. I think people are precious. I genuinely think that everyone has something good about them (with the exception of Hitler). I hate it when people get down about themselves. Like when my friends say, "Oh, I'm never gonna find love, I'm so ugly," I feel genuinely bad for them. Like, they've had more kisses and relationships than I have, but it's like I've come to the realization that I'll find someone someday (or I'm at least comfortable living with the fantasy of my perfect guy), and so I realize I'll find someone out there who will be my best friend and love me like crazy. However, my friends haven't come to this realization yet, and are stuck on the fact that they're "ugly" or "too paranoid." Well heck, if Hitler had a girlfriend, you are more than likely to find love! They need to get a freaking grip on their priorities. 

And I'm not trying to bash them for what they're saying, I just think their mind process is a little bit screwed. Personally, anyone who knows me would tell me I'm a hopeless romantic, and I agree with them. I LOVE love. However, I'm not a hopeless case. I really want to be with some guy someday and live in a loft in Seattle with brick walls and paint stupid pictures and talk about nothing and everything and what work is like and if we'll spend Christmas with his family that year and then I could make him cereal or something stupid and we could watch Bones or some other show on the TV and we could talk about the beach house we'll be buying in Oregon or California and we could cuddle and drink wine and do absolutely and virtually whatever and listen to "Charlie Brown" by Coldplay really loudly in our car and kiss at the movie theater like teenagers do. Clearly, I seem to have this all planned out.
However, I really suck at planning and financial things, so I've also concluded that the guy I'm going to marry should probably be okay with planning and financial things.
Everyone who ever meets me says, "Oh Hannah, you'll marry someone just like you." Ha. Ha. NO. You all are idiots. If I married someone who was just like me, it would be a screwed up bipolar love, do you not realize I'm moody enough already? I'll probably find someone who likes the same things as me, but I'll find someone with a slightly different personality type, so my husband and I don't end up becoming hobos on the streets of New York eating frozen yogurt out of a dumpster or something.
Okay, so now I'm getting off track.
Some things you may want to know about me:

• My full name is Hannah Elizabeth Rose Baker. I don't particularly like my name. Hannah Baker is, like, the most generic name EVER. Also, everyone used to tease me (and sometimes people still do) because my name is the same as the girl in 13 Reasons Why who committed suicide. In eighth grade, people really thought I was depressed, probably because everyone read that book and I was really quiet and didn't talk to anyone, because everyone in middle school reeks of hormones and is extremely judgmental, so they just assumed I was depressed. Depression is a horrible, horrible thing, and I don't mean to get off track again, but I've been depressed, so if you're ever depressed, you could really just talk to me and I'll be there to talk with you, even if you're anonymous or we don't really know each other. I can try to help :)
• I don't even see the point of putting my age here, but I'm in high school currently, so that's "exciting."
• The last cool movie I saw was Across The Universe, and it's such a good movie! It's sort of trippy and artsy, I guess, but it's really great. I'm actually listening to a song from the soundtrack right now. 
• I have brown hair that is naturally curly (as in unmanageable, mountain man hair, not perfect Tumblr girls' "curly" hair, thank you very much!) and I'm currently on this rampage where I've been straightening it. I realize it might be ruining my curls a little bit, but you try living with my hair for one day. I also have blue eyes that I have managed to like okay. 
• If you are interested in psychology, I will tell you my Myers-Briggs type is INFP. I will post more on that later, or you can look that up, if you're more interested in what my personality is like. It's a pretty spot on description of myself, so if you want...
• I am clearly much better at describing myself through writing than I am verbally, so there's that. 
• I hate it when people try to define me. Like, I'm sort of a paradox in that way, because I take such comfort in reading about the description of an INFP and being like, "Oh dear lord, look! I relate!" except if you tell me "Oh Hannah, you aren't rebellious at all," or "Hannah, stop being antisocial," then I will most likely break contact with you for a while or become extremely distant or have visions of me punching you in the face and then crying about it all in my room for a while. This has happened for quite a few of my friends and me in the past few years. I'm not trying to be antisocial, it's just I DON'T LIKE THE SMALL TALK AND POINTLESS CONVERSATIONS THAT TEENAGERS ALL SEEM TO HAVE THESE DAYS. Like, sometimes, it's okay, but really, if I want to talk to you about something serious, don't laugh it off. Come on now, don't be immature. 
• I've seen The Fray, U2, Anarbor, Me Like Bees, William Beckett, Never Shout Never, Matt and Kim, Passion Pit, Breathe Carolina, Sleeping With Sirens, A Boy and His Kite, The Oh Hello's, and Mod Sun all in concert. I <3 music. 
• I really don't know what else to put here. I'm 5'7". I play the bass guitar (although I sort of suck). I write a lot of stories (although I don't like my creative writing class). My fingernails are a neon yellow right now and I have a pair of red Toms that are in front of me right now. I have a Basset Hound named Moses who is the cutest, dumbest thing ever. He's a spaz. I'm listening to Foster The People's Supermodel right now and have plans to go watch Moonrise Kingdom later tonight. I really enjoy Wes Anderson's films.