The two strangest theories about growing up are the facts that: a) people you thought were your friends in high school aren't actually your friends for the long run and b) you're actually just kind of living in the moment. there are dreams past the present moment, but they aren't the reality, and in order to truly live you have to keep your mind in the present.
Let's take a closer look at these two bizarre concepts:
There were a few people who told me, "The friends you'll make in college are the friends you'll have for life." And of course, I didn't truly feel this, until recently. It only made sense for me to think about all my friends back home and stay in contact with them, because I love them so much. I had a ton of fun back in high school, and although I wouldn't ever go back to that time in my life, I do love to remember the memories. This is the reality: it's been a month into college for me, and I've talked to two of my friends from high school on a regular basis. Only two of them. They are the two I expected to talk to the most, but honestly, I felt like I had a few more friends back in high school. In fact, I've checked up on some people who I talked to fairly regularly and actually talked to normally in high school and realized they've defriended me on Facebook or stopped following me on Instagram or whatever and I've thought about how our world is so social-media related and how absolutely disgusting it is. I've also thought about how our lives are going in such different directions and although I feel a little bit like, "Oh. I wonder why they defriended me," I'm not sad, overall. I feel okay. Everyday I feel more and more like John Brown University is my home. I am reminded of God's presence in my life constantly. I feel so loved and cared for compared to the times I felt so judged and shunned back in Estes Park. And thinking about it, I totally felt so lonely in high school. There are so many people here who share the same views as me and the same mindset and it is so, so comforting to me. I wouldn't have it any other way. God's plan for my life is incredible. And I know I'll be friends with the two girls from high school for a very, very long time. I love them. And now I know that I'll find some really awesome people to be friends with here, too.
The scariest and most soothing realization I've had yet is the fact that I don't know what is after this. I've always considered myself a future-oriented person, but I came to realize that the majority of my daydreams about the future stopped at college. In elementary school, I thought about middle school. And in middle school, I thought about high school and football games and my first kiss and all that. And in high school, I thought about meeting new people in college and finding my soulmate and studying psychology. And now I'm here and I don't know what is after this. It's so weird for me. After I graduate, I virtually don't know what to think about. I don't know what will happen to me. It's all up in the air. Will I go to graduate school? Will I get married? Will I move out of the country? Will I move to NYC? Will I move back to Colorado? I don't know. I'm kind of just living for the day because that's all I know what to do . I work on homework, I socialize with my friends here and I see what the day has to offer me. I live in the moment. And it is so refreshing. I don't know why I didn't do this before. I am so much happier. I'm on this wild ride and I'm seeing what God has in store for me and I'm trusting Him and discovering more about who I am and who He has called me to be and I'm living life and it rocks. I want to learn from the past, live in the moment, and occasionally dream about the future. Reality is such an awesome place to be.
So, there's a little check up about my life. And here I am peacing out for now. See ya sometime, Prone to Wander Endlessly.
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